Why more porn is the answer to all of Lebanon's woes and why our leaders want to ban it

13 March 2015 | 13:50

Source: Angie Nassar, Beirut.com

  • Source: Angie Nassar, Beirut.com
  • Last update: 13 March 2015 | 13:50

 

The Lebanese may be addicted to porn, but it's no bad thing, writes our own in-house sexpert Angie Nassar who has some advice for the country's leaders. She also has a word of caution though for the nation's women who find their boyfriends' browser histories clean...and, as usual, her dollar shot diligence hits the target

 

Lebanese leadership - whether we're talking about politicians or religious figures - have long argued that they are in the possession of some higher understanding of what is considered good and what is bad. So much so, that they feel morally obliged and legally justified in imposing these beliefs onto the entire country's value system with a determined vigor and even coercion if they have to. And then there's all the conflicting messages that surround us. Our fearless leaders believe that we are deeply susceptible to being led astray by the things we read and the pictures we see on the Internet. That's why people "need" censorship, they would argue. The Lebanese public needs to be protected from itself.

These are the sort of warped mentalities of men who have cultivated a mindset in which their whole essence of being is basically like a raunchy porn movie where no real human interaction takes place, and where women are pretty much always on their knees just begging to be told what to do. These are the men who assume there's a closeted kinky bitch underneath every hijab. These are the men-turned-monkey masturbators who jerked-off to videos of 21-year-old sex starlet Mia Khalifa and then furiously took to the Internet sending her death threats after she was named the "Number 1 Porn Star" on PornHub in January. Call it disassociation in a mouse click. They had to watch the porn in order to get offended by it. Right?

Earlier this week, a salacious poster from Beirut circa 1971 was circulating on Facebook after it was posted by the group, Stop Cultural Terrorism in Lebanon. The advertisement features the naked bodies of a man and woman promoting a super night club with gogo dancers and striptease shows listed among the entertainment options. One of the top commenters on the post alluded to Lebanon as a devolved state, suffering from so-called "Benjamin Button disease."

But here's the thing: porn doesn't have to be advertised anymore. It's available on your mobile phone. Sex is at your fingertips. Endless amounts of it (just another reason the Internet is pure magic). I can only imagine that clicking through hundreds of videos before you find that one special piece of pornucopia is now a regular activity for robust, engaged Internet users (I don't imagine, actually. I can say this because I enjoy touching myself in my free time).

It's the fact that sex and porn are presented as "wrong" that makes it all the more thrilling for most people. Listen, if all you've ever done is look at copious amounts of sex on the Internet, you are not a special snowflake. You are just another dime-a-dozen internet weirdo. And you know what? All that faux restraint associated with sexual repression, purity and physical and mental modesty - for both men and women - has got to manifest itself as a ticking time bomb of rampant cocklust. That, or chronic masturbation. So on Wednesday, the former Grand Mufti of Egypt was quoted as saying that "mankind has been plagued by pornography." He then inaccurately attributed this to the "invention" of American porn in the 1960s and concluded that porn leads to atheism. But here's a fun fact for y'all: in Egyptian mythology, the ebb and flow of the Nile was attributed to the god Atum who ejaculated into the river.

Somehow, this eventually led Egyptian pharaohs to ritually masturbate into the Nile to ensure an abundance of water. You know what else it was probably for? Reaching the higher rational faculties of the male brain with greater ease. After a guy busts a nut, his mind clears of all that sexual nonsense and clutter, if only for a brief five minutes, so he can finally achieve what can only be described as a true and uncorrupted analysis of the world akin to the clarity of a monk. Watching porn is a good - nay - it's a fantastic and wonderful thing.

We are all subject to the same desires and motivations. I know plenty of cat-loving ladies with PhD degrees who are into femdom, and engineers with families who love watching deep-throating blow job competitions (mgraaahg gbrrrhbg bhrugghd, nabgahbrg!)

Everyone is perverted. Porn by itself says nothing about the person that watches it. It's just another part of the psyche that expresses curiosity, envy and - most of all - fantasy. That being said, I can't be alone in speculating on the sexual preferences of permanently dissatisfied, manipulative and abusive Arab men involving diapers and baby talk. Are you with me?

And if there's one thing I hope you can take away from this whole rumination on the portrayal of porn in the public eye, it's that a clear browser history is a suspect browser history. Never trust a dude with no porn on his laptop. Never.

 

Angie Nassar is the editor of the popular culture and 'what's-on' website Beirut.com. She loves writing about everything from culture to politics, pop culture and women's rights. She is a published author on the subject of music in Lebanon in Samir & Roseanne Khalaf. Eds. Arab Youth: Social Mobilization in Times of Risk. (London: Saqi Books).
You can find her on Twitter @angienassar

 

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